Story ONE (Genesis)

"They can only see each other once a year," A said, while pedaling the boat on the lake in Xindian.
"You are telling me that the day they see each other every year is different? Then how do they know which day to meet?" asked D.
"Well if you look at the lunar calendar, they actually see each other on exactly the same day every year, the 7th day of the 7th month," A tried to take the steer, but D wouldn't let go of it.
"And the birds - I don't know how to call them in English - will gather and make a bridge for them to cross the Milky Way, since in Chinese we call that belt of shining stars the 'Silver River.' It's just like crossing a bridge on a river."

"Interesting story," D slowed down the pedaling speed, bringing the boat almost to a halt.
"So on that day people will decorate this suspension bridge with lights and everything, and lovers will cross the bridge to celebrate the day and show their love to each other."
"Really? That will be really beautiful. You Chinese people are romantic."

The boat was simply floating on water. Neither of them was pedaling. This December night was cold, unlike the hot summer day when the love bridge is built for lovers. The occupants of the boat were already imagining how beautiful the bridge would be on such day, and how romantic it would be to walk across the bridge together.

Slowly and subtly, the temperature was rising on the boat. The night was silent because no one was talking.

Beliefs

After reading Secret, I am writing down my beliefs to attract all the positive energy.

We are in love and will always be in love.
We are happy with each other.
We are faithful to each other.
We are a perfect couple.
We are overcoming all the difficulties in love, and the final challenge is almost over.

I am super hot.
I am happy.
I am making new and good friends.
I am doing a good job.
I have good sleep every day.
I will move to a nice apartment of my own very soon.
I am regaining the stability of my life.

Dividing Criteria

Besides the emotional attachment, there has to be something that divides a lover/partner and a person you have sex with. There muse be things you only do and share with your lover/partner. That is the privilege of being your lover/partner.

Make him significant. Make him proud and honored to be granted with this privilege.

Well, sex can be a privilege, too.

what you are

Whoever you have sex with before you meet me makes what you are.

Whoever else you have sex with after you meet me makes what you are not.

Since it's easy to suppress the desire to see me, it must be a lot easier to suppress the desire to sleep with other men.

Stability in Life

Why do people in the chat room despise/sneer at the idea of a gay man building a home with another, and having a stable life for the rest of their life?

Home and stability are important for a person, either man or woman.
I want a place and a man to call my own, and together we lead a stable and steady life. Nobody lives like a movie or fiction character anyway. A life that's worth to be put into a fiction or a movie is usually too miserable, or too good to be true.

It seems easy and difficult at the same time to fulfill this goal. Most of the people dream about the same thing in their personal profile on friend-making websites, but they usually lose interest in the person they are with after a short time. Maybe they are the ones that decided to start a relationship after knowing a person for one day. Even a man like me, however, that started a relationship after knowing a man for almost 6 months ended up being single again after 5 years. I am sure there are couples whose relationship begin with a simple promise to be together on the first day they meet and then continue for decades. As long as they still see love in each other, forever seems too short a time for them. What if one sees love, and the other sees otherwise?

I long for a stable life. I have been trying to regain that bit of stability for months since the breakup. The new stability stored in life for me is probably having a single life, no matter how much I desire for otherwise. I had been single for 21 years before I had the first contact with my ex. It should be alright for me to be single for a few years, even though I truly want my goal to have a home and a stable family life to come true as soon as possible and to last as long as the sun shines.

I am hoping and believing the day will come, and will come fairly soon.

best friend...

how to treat your best friend? definitely not like an eyesore.

it's a friend with more priorities over others, and a friend that you can confide in, a friend that you feel the most relaxed with, without competition, without grudge. Any fights can always be settled.

lesser of evil

To love is hard; not to love is harder.
Let's just love, to make it easier.

Story Two

"Where are you from?" one of the two men asked D.
"Canada."
"Me, too. I am from Toronto, and he is from South Africa. He just came to Taipei to meet me today. He lives in Tainan."
"That's nice."
"How long have you been together?" asked the man, still waiting for the red light.
"Uh...we...uh." D stammered, while A just stood there, watching and savoring the moment of happiness.
"It's ok if you are not," the Toronto guy gave a knowing laugh.
"We...uh...just...," said D.
"Oh...it's green light now. Good luck then."
The red light turned green, and these four men crossed the street, going in two different directions towards Shinkong Mitsukoshi.
"Why didn't you answer?" A asked D.
"Well...I was embarrassed by that question."
"well... since forever," A thought about this answer in his head.

Neither of these two men was exhausted after spending a day hiking in the rain. They actually loved that day, and loved the cows that accompanied them throughout the hiking trip. Well, A was a litte terrifed by the cows, to tell you the truth.

Ode to the West Wind (IV) - P. B. Shelley

IV

If I were a dead leaf thou mightest bear;
If I were a swift cloud to fly with thee;
A wave to pant beneath thy power, and share

The impulse of thy strength, only less free
Than thou, O uncontrollable! If even
I were as in my boyhood, and could be

The comrade of thy wanderings over Heaven,
As then, when to outstrip thy skiey speed
Scarce seemed a vision; I would ne'er have striven

As thus with thee in prayer in my sore need.
Oh, lift me as a wave, a leaf, a cloud!
I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!

A heavy weight of hours has chained and bowed
One too like thee: tameless, and swift, and proud.

Significance of Insignificance

I used to think that it was important to witness every single moment of your loved one, and that it was significant to go grocery shopping, to see all the movies you want to see, to try new restaurants, to explore new places, and to do lots and lots of things with him, no matter how trivial they are.

Well... I guess it's time for me to change this mentality.

As long as I am there with my loved one during the most significant moments, say when he really really needs me, when we make important decisions, when we go through difficult moments of our lives, and when we say our vows, it doesn't matter whom or whom else I have a meal with, I see a movie with, I have a haircut with, I buy a toothpaste with, or even I take a walk with.

But it's still significant as to whom I sleep with (pun intended) - this won't change.

dancing in the rain

I saw a quote on a friend's blog. I think it's well put.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."

but how does one learn to dance in the rain?

Irritation

Is there somebody in your life that sort of irritates you when you see him?

When he is not around, however,
you will miss him, and think of him and his smile when you see his favourite ice cream flavour, his favourite drinks, his favourite newspaper, his favourite color, his favourite weekend pasttime, his favourite books, his favourite restaurants, his favourite bus, and, above all, the lonely man you see in the mirror.

Understanding

Now I understand something.
I am not smart enough, or do not have enough social skills, to take social/interpersonal cues.
I am usually slow, very slow, to realize interpersonal matters.

I should have learnt it in school days, but I failed no matter how high my academic grades were.
I never paid attention to social skills. I always thought, with good personal traits, people would come to you by themselves. I don't need to do anything. I have been wrong.

Now it's my deepest and strongest repentance.
I hope there is still enough time to make amends.
I know I will change and make amends and I believe in it.

Underwear

I feel that I am becoming an underwear shopping addict. I don't really need so many pairs of underwear, but I just feel like buying them....

Through the process of splurging my money on something that only people in the gym change room and by the swimming pool might see, I found out some good websites for underwear shopping.

It usually takes about 7 to 9 days to receive my order. There is, however, an exception. There is one site from which I received my order within 4 days. Well, their shipping charge is a lot higher than others. I guess that's why.

My favorite brand is Andrew Christian (and Andrew himself is hot too):




But their own online store does not offer shipment to Taiwan... too bad.
Here is a photo of the hot designer:

WISE

How can I be a wise man like a 80-year-old?

He would just brush off something he couldn't let go when he was 25.
He would laugh at the mistakes that he did when he was 25.
He would find it meaninless to hold on to a belief that would never come true when he was 25.

He would regret that he let go something precious to him when he was 25.
He would regret that he couldn't spend the past 55 years with the person he has been loving the most.
He would regret that he didn't hold on to the belief that might come true in the end.

I, for one, am debating the opportunity costs in my head, and I can't fall asleep...