A breakup can change a man's personality and make him do and think in a totally different way from before. These new behaviours are not normal, and do not represent the real personality of the man during his happy times.
During a man's most fragile moments, he would do things to protect himself, to make himself feel cared for and to make himself feel in control. Sometimes these behaviours will backfire, causing so many more problems that he wishes he hasn't done those things.
Constant rejections will aggravate these behaviours. Miserable as he is, he will feel that he is not accepted or welcomed. He will start to think he is the one that's causing the anger and rejection, the instigator of everything.
When his life is back on track and in the way he wants it to be, or when he is happy again, his behaviours will become normal again.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
My Favorite Quote
I've always loved this vow since the first time I heard it on TV/in theater:
"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."
"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."
Empathy
A friend's boyfriend left her and went back to Vancouver for good just few days ago.
Her brief description of her grief churned up my mind that's muddled enough.
Let's hope the world will see no more breakup.
Her brief description of her grief churned up my mind that's muddled enough.
Let's hope the world will see no more breakup.
Monday, July 7, 2008
In NEED
It was my first car accident.
I fell from my scooter as I tried to make a left turn in front of the entrance of Linjiang Street on An-he Road. I just wanted to get to my dorm as early as possible to finish what I had to do there so that I could come back downtown to meet D.
I was lucky. The vehicles behind me all stopped without hitting me. I was alive, only with a bleeding left palm, with the skin close to the the thumb peeled off, revealing some flesh.
I was able to stand up by myself and moved my scooter to the sidewalk in front of the post office there. With a bleeding hand, I thought I'd just better leave my scooter there and come back to get it some other time.
I really had no idea what to do at that moment. I was so shocked and scared. Calmly I
walked to the 7-11 besides the post office and bought a small fisrt-aid pack, which included some cotton sticks, peroxide, medical cotton, etc. Then I walked back home. It was not far, only about 5-min walk.
I sat on the living room floor, then starting to cry, while taking out the medital kits I had just bought and trying to do something on my bleeding palm.
D was tutoring that afternoon. I still phoned him anyway. I couldn't think of anyone else to phone. Finally after D picked up the phone finding out my emergency, he couldn't wait a minute to come home to me.
I was still crying from the scare of the car accident and the relief that no vehicles ran into me. D thought my injury was notthing big deal and started to blame me for not going to the hospital or any medical institution for care instead of sitting home crying.
He was right, but my brain went blank after that shocking moment. Al I wanted to do was to go home and wait for D to come home. I felt safe at home. No scooters, no cars, no buses waiting in line behind me.
D rushed me out to take a taxi to the hospital. The doctor there scrubed my flesh-revealing wound really hard to clean it out. It hurt like hell, but I felt safer and my tears had stopped as D was there.
I fell from my scooter as I tried to make a left turn in front of the entrance of Linjiang Street on An-he Road. I just wanted to get to my dorm as early as possible to finish what I had to do there so that I could come back downtown to meet D.
I was lucky. The vehicles behind me all stopped without hitting me. I was alive, only with a bleeding left palm, with the skin close to the the thumb peeled off, revealing some flesh.
I was able to stand up by myself and moved my scooter to the sidewalk in front of the post office there. With a bleeding hand, I thought I'd just better leave my scooter there and come back to get it some other time.
I really had no idea what to do at that moment. I was so shocked and scared. Calmly I
walked to the 7-11 besides the post office and bought a small fisrt-aid pack, which included some cotton sticks, peroxide, medical cotton, etc. Then I walked back home. It was not far, only about 5-min walk.
I sat on the living room floor, then starting to cry, while taking out the medital kits I had just bought and trying to do something on my bleeding palm.
D was tutoring that afternoon. I still phoned him anyway. I couldn't think of anyone else to phone. Finally after D picked up the phone finding out my emergency, he couldn't wait a minute to come home to me.
I was still crying from the scare of the car accident and the relief that no vehicles ran into me. D thought my injury was notthing big deal and started to blame me for not going to the hospital or any medical institution for care instead of sitting home crying.
He was right, but my brain went blank after that shocking moment. Al I wanted to do was to go home and wait for D to come home. I felt safe at home. No scooters, no cars, no buses waiting in line behind me.
D rushed me out to take a taxi to the hospital. The doctor there scrubed my flesh-revealing wound really hard to clean it out. It hurt like hell, but I felt safer and my tears had stopped as D was there.
Fallacy
To love is to let go.
Does "letting go of a person" mean "not caring for a person?"
I hope not because to love is also to care, but to care usually is the opposite of to let go. When you care about a person, you start thinking about this person, and when you think, you cannot let go of this person.
This is not a perfect equation. One has to balance it by adding to it some pretension and ridding it of the heart.
To love (with the brain) = to let go = (to pretend not) to care.
But without the heart, love isn't love.
Does "letting go of a person" mean "not caring for a person?"
I hope not because to love is also to care, but to care usually is the opposite of to let go. When you care about a person, you start thinking about this person, and when you think, you cannot let go of this person.
This is not a perfect equation. One has to balance it by adding to it some pretension and ridding it of the heart.
To love (with the brain) = to let go = (to pretend not) to care.
But without the heart, love isn't love.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Monogamy
The American Heritage Dictionary defines monogamy as : 1. The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time. 2a. The practice or condition of being married to only one person at a time. b. The practice of marrying only once in a lifetime. 3. Zoology The condition of having only one mate during a breeding season or during the breeding life of a pair.
This definition is barely satisfactory. "a period of time?" how long is a period of time? one day? one week? one month? or one year?
To me, monogamy should mean the practice of having s single sexual partner and marriage during a lifetime... Am I too extreme?
If a person has a single sexual partner for one week, but a different one every week, does he qualify as a monogamy practitioner in any given week? If the period of time is extended to one to several months, I am sure almost everybody will agree that this person is monogamous. So a polygamous person can easily disguise himself as a monogamy practitioner by ending a "sexual relationship" at any interval as he pleases. What a good way to be monogamous without losing the excitement of being polygamous!
This definition is barely satisfactory. "a period of time?" how long is a period of time? one day? one week? one month? or one year?
To me, monogamy should mean the practice of having s single sexual partner and marriage during a lifetime... Am I too extreme?
If a person has a single sexual partner for one week, but a different one every week, does he qualify as a monogamy practitioner in any given week? If the period of time is extended to one to several months, I am sure almost everybody will agree that this person is monogamous. So a polygamous person can easily disguise himself as a monogamy practitioner by ending a "sexual relationship" at any interval as he pleases. What a good way to be monogamous without losing the excitement of being polygamous!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Yongning - Kunyang
Whenever I walk down the stairs, at Taipei Main Station, to the platform of the MRT blue line, linking Yongling and Kunyang, I will unconsciously look at the direction for Kunyang, trying to see if the train heading for Kunyang is arriving soon. As soon as I stand at the side of the platform heading for Kunyang, I realize that it is the wrong direction. I don't live in that direction any more. I don't need to get off at Sun Yat-san Memorial Hall Station any more. I don't need to walk past three blocks and a small alley to get home any more. I don't need to climb 5 floors to go home any more. I don't have a place that I feel home any more.
Then I will walk to the other side of the platform, checking out when the next train to Yongning will arrive. I will need to get off the train and then walk through the indifferent crowds. I will need to take an elevator to go to my floor. I will need to return to that place, where no one will wait for me to go back or want me to wait for him to go back. That place is just a temporary shelter, without any emotion, without any love.
Then I will walk to the other side of the platform, checking out when the next train to Yongning will arrive. I will need to get off the train and then walk through the indifferent crowds. I will need to take an elevator to go to my floor. I will need to return to that place, where no one will wait for me to go back or want me to wait for him to go back. That place is just a temporary shelter, without any emotion, without any love.
The Pretty Face of Romance
C reminded me that a person in love and being loved, besides looking happy, would also be hotter and prettier than when he/she is not in love and being loved.
I guess that's true.
Since the beginnin of April, or much earlier in February, bad acnes have been crawling on my face and taking their territory on my back too. Maybe it's my time not to look pretty with nice skin any more. Maybe it's just that LOVE has abandoned me, leaving me with ugly memories on my face, taking away with him the joy of bringing down yet another innocent man once full of spirits and hopes. I feel unpretty, and discouraged.
D still looks gorgeous and probably hotter than before. I know he is still loved, but I don't know if he is in love. Now that I am shunned out from his life, I really don't know what's happening to the man I care for the most.
Well, I feel excluded and redundant.
I guess that's true.
Since the beginnin of April, or much earlier in February, bad acnes have been crawling on my face and taking their territory on my back too. Maybe it's my time not to look pretty with nice skin any more. Maybe it's just that LOVE has abandoned me, leaving me with ugly memories on my face, taking away with him the joy of bringing down yet another innocent man once full of spirits and hopes. I feel unpretty, and discouraged.
D still looks gorgeous and probably hotter than before. I know he is still loved, but I don't know if he is in love. Now that I am shunned out from his life, I really don't know what's happening to the man I care for the most.
Well, I feel excluded and redundant.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
everyone is having sex...
... with his loved one.
It all started with a white man crossing an intersection in Ximen, with one hand holding tightly an Asian man's hand, and the policeman standing at the center of the intersection looked so shocked but did not have enough time to blow his whistle at them before they disappeared into the passing crowds, where hidden many other men that were afraid of holding their hands.
A man lying down on a bench in the gym, trying to lift up a barbell to work out his chest; another man straddling over him, almost like sitting on the lying man's pelvis, spotted the lying man's every motion in case he hurt himself.
Sitting in a small Taiwanese dessert shop, a man scooped up some Douhua (Tofu pudding), making sure the soup wasn't overflowing the spoon, and then slowly and swiftly moved the spoon into the mouth of the man sitting besides him, who was just as ready as ever to take his turn to feed the man that had just fed him.
Two men were lying on their separate towels by the swimming pool, trying to get some suntan on this hot summer day. They sometimes had their faces towards each other, and sometimes against each other. They were not worried about the sun being too strong because they had helped each other put some suntain lotion all over their bodies. Even though there were actualy several other couples lying around the pool at the same time, to them it felt like there were the only ones there, in their own world, enjoying the moment as if the moment had been frozen for them.
Finally, even the maintenance guy coming to fix my washing machine told me he had got married last month because his girlfriend was pregnant.
It all started with a white man crossing an intersection in Ximen, with one hand holding tightly an Asian man's hand, and the policeman standing at the center of the intersection looked so shocked but did not have enough time to blow his whistle at them before they disappeared into the passing crowds, where hidden many other men that were afraid of holding their hands.
A man lying down on a bench in the gym, trying to lift up a barbell to work out his chest; another man straddling over him, almost like sitting on the lying man's pelvis, spotted the lying man's every motion in case he hurt himself.
Sitting in a small Taiwanese dessert shop, a man scooped up some Douhua (Tofu pudding), making sure the soup wasn't overflowing the spoon, and then slowly and swiftly moved the spoon into the mouth of the man sitting besides him, who was just as ready as ever to take his turn to feed the man that had just fed him.
Two men were lying on their separate towels by the swimming pool, trying to get some suntan on this hot summer day. They sometimes had their faces towards each other, and sometimes against each other. They were not worried about the sun being too strong because they had helped each other put some suntain lotion all over their bodies. Even though there were actualy several other couples lying around the pool at the same time, to them it felt like there were the only ones there, in their own world, enjoying the moment as if the moment had been frozen for them.
Finally, even the maintenance guy coming to fix my washing machine told me he had got married last month because his girlfriend was pregnant.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
stories
I want to write new stories, but I am trapped in old ones.
I want my new stories to surpass the old ones, but I am afraid they won't.
I haven't written any yet, as a result.
Old stories are wonderful, I know.
You want me to write new stories, but you still dwell in my old ones.
You want new stories to fill up your life because you are afraid of the old.
You are writing your new stories, as a result.
New stories are exciting, you know.
Stories are irreplaceable, we both know.
If the old stories had been bad, they would not have lasted over 2,000 days and nights ...
With the last page showing no clear, satisfying conclusion, Volume II awaits ...
I want my new stories to surpass the old ones, but I am afraid they won't.
I haven't written any yet, as a result.
Old stories are wonderful, I know.
You want me to write new stories, but you still dwell in my old ones.
You want new stories to fill up your life because you are afraid of the old.
You are writing your new stories, as a result.
New stories are exciting, you know.
Stories are irreplaceable, we both know.
If the old stories had been bad, they would not have lasted over 2,000 days and nights ...
With the last page showing no clear, satisfying conclusion, Volume II awaits ...
Showing OFF
"This is his picture," A took out a picture out of his wallet, showing it to a friend.
"He is very handsome," the friend said, undoubtedly raising the corner of A's lips up a few inches.
"Sure he is, and he is very nice too," A said, eyes glinting with pride and happiness.
"How long have you been together?"
"Almost 5 years," said A, sipping a glass of cocktail with this old friend back from school days on a cold February day.
Spring was coming soon, yet winter would never leave.
"He is very handsome," the friend said, undoubtedly raising the corner of A's lips up a few inches.
"Sure he is, and he is very nice too," A said, eyes glinting with pride and happiness.
"How long have you been together?"
"Almost 5 years," said A, sipping a glass of cocktail with this old friend back from school days on a cold February day.
Spring was coming soon, yet winter would never leave.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Translator's Manipulation
Studying translation for some years, I am still wondering if a translator nowadays can actually manipulate the message without being known. The clients are usually capable of finding out if the information is twisted or not. They just want the documents translated into the other language and they know they are not able to do that.
The only scenario I can think of where a translator can manipulate the message is interpreting/translating for one or more persons as a tour guide or any other similar positions. That's right. When a single person (let's assume it's a foreigner) requests for translation/interpretation assistance, it's usually because he doesn't understand the local language at all, or only has little knowledge of it.
Under such circumstance, the translator can manipulate the message to be translated. If the translator can obtain certain interests, whether harmful or not, from the person, he will definitely omit/add/twist certain information for personal gains.
No tricks are allowed.
The only scenario I can think of where a translator can manipulate the message is interpreting/translating for one or more persons as a tour guide or any other similar positions. That's right. When a single person (let's assume it's a foreigner) requests for translation/interpretation assistance, it's usually because he doesn't understand the local language at all, or only has little knowledge of it.
Under such circumstance, the translator can manipulate the message to be translated. If the translator can obtain certain interests, whether harmful or not, from the person, he will definitely omit/add/twist certain information for personal gains.
No tricks are allowed.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Restaurant
I usually eat alone, and in the same places every day.
When I have my food, I like to eat it slowly and savouring every bit of it, every single bit.
If some filthy stranger pokes his dirty finger into my food, I would lose my appitite completely. No matter how delicious the dish is, that dirty finger of his will change entirely the flavor of the food. The dirt, sweat, and germ would instantly take their residence on my noodles, my rice, or my potatoes. Even if my dish may still look the same, it's just a beguiling appearance.
Every dish has its own beauty, prepared by the talented cook of life. To me every dish is different and reserved to be savoured by only one gourmet. It's not meant to be shared. For one thing, the portion is not enough for two people. For the other, two man would fight who gets the better part of the dish.
When I have my food, I like to eat it slowly and savouring every bit of it, every single bit.
If some filthy stranger pokes his dirty finger into my food, I would lose my appitite completely. No matter how delicious the dish is, that dirty finger of his will change entirely the flavor of the food. The dirt, sweat, and germ would instantly take their residence on my noodles, my rice, or my potatoes. Even if my dish may still look the same, it's just a beguiling appearance.
Every dish has its own beauty, prepared by the talented cook of life. To me every dish is different and reserved to be savoured by only one gourmet. It's not meant to be shared. For one thing, the portion is not enough for two people. For the other, two man would fight who gets the better part of the dish.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Super Glue
My shoes were torn and worn, with the front opening up like two big crooked smiles on my feet.
Two days ago I suddenly felt like fixing them. I like to fix things if they are something of importance. I would rather fix and keep them than tossing them away. This pair of sneakers was given to me as my birthday gift in December 2006. And I worn them every day since then, except when I went out in sandals or barefoot.
Even though I've had plans to buy new shoes lately and I did look around in stores for shoes, I still haven't bought any. Maybe I am too reluctant to give up this pair of shoes.
Just two days ago, I went to a small grocery store close to my work and bought a small tube of super glue. Then I put as much glue as I could into the opening parts of the shoes till that small tube was almost empty. I pressed really hard on the shoes with my feet for a minute, and then I could walk around with my shoes looking nice again.
Then I threw away the super glue I just bought. For one thing, it was almost empty. For the other, I could not glue my heart with it. Special prescription is required.
Two days ago I suddenly felt like fixing them. I like to fix things if they are something of importance. I would rather fix and keep them than tossing them away. This pair of sneakers was given to me as my birthday gift in December 2006. And I worn them every day since then, except when I went out in sandals or barefoot.
Even though I've had plans to buy new shoes lately and I did look around in stores for shoes, I still haven't bought any. Maybe I am too reluctant to give up this pair of shoes.
Just two days ago, I went to a small grocery store close to my work and bought a small tube of super glue. Then I put as much glue as I could into the opening parts of the shoes till that small tube was almost empty. I pressed really hard on the shoes with my feet for a minute, and then I could walk around with my shoes looking nice again.
Then I threw away the super glue I just bought. For one thing, it was almost empty. For the other, I could not glue my heart with it. Special prescription is required.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Voice Mail
This voice mail to me carries a tone of care that I miss so much... it made me cry...
嘿，你幹嘛？別讓我擔心。Why don't you answer my phone call? Phoned you all night long. Good thing that I am too busy tonight. Otherwise I would be very angry. Ok well… I will try to meet you some other time this week. Hopefully you are okay. But call me back or send me a message when you have time. Bye.
嘿，你幹嘛？別讓我擔心。Why don't you answer my phone call? Phoned you all night long. Good thing that I am too busy tonight. Otherwise I would be very angry. Ok well… I will try to meet you some other time this week. Hopefully you are okay. But call me back or send me a message when you have time. Bye.
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