Square One (Poolside Story 2)

The previously dubbed "uncarved jade" has now become an "incompatible jade."

They say a story should have coherent beginning and ending. To make my story complete and coherent, I decided to visit the location where the beginning of this story took place about 6 weeks ago.

I went inside the swimming pool premise around the same time as last time when the sun was leaning against the western sky. The sun felt stronger and harsher than last time. It had been a softer and gentler sunlight the first time I was there when the story began.

I chose exactly the same spot to sit and lay down. As I sat back and relaxed, I found that the poolside area right in front of me was as almost deserted as when it is winter time. People were either leaving, swimming in the pool, or sitting somewhere farther away to my right.

Where had he sat by the pool 6 weeks ago? I was recalling every single detail I remembered. He was sitting or lying down right in front of me, reading, listening to music, stretching his body, checking people out, and occassionally glancing at me. He even moved to a spot to my right when his original spot was shadowed by the nearby structure, all the while kept checking me out with all his innocence.

Of course I was checking him out, too. What a cute guy from the same gym I go to.

But today at the exact spot, nobody was there, except that swimmers occassionallywould get out of the water and walk by.

I took out my book, trying to read, but I was staring at the empty spot in front of me, looking for any sign of glances directed towards me, and a face I had been thinking of fairly often for the past 6 weeks.

As the sun was sliding lower and lower, and finally blocked by the structure, I decided to bid farewell to this deserted poolside before the sun set. I walked past the spot where he had been lying the first time. I rinsed off my body in the shower room and left the builindg as the sun was nowhere to be seen. Then here came the bench.

Nobody was on the bench, waiting for me to come out of the building. I stood there and let the image of desertion sink into my brain, and then took a right turn and kept walking, looking for the location when he first smiled at me and voiced his desire to get to know me. When I arrived at the forking path and looked behind my shoulder, well... I let a few drops of tears fall and then kept walking.

Maybe I should pretend that nothing had happened when I left the swimming pool 6 weeks ago, just as nothing happened today when I left. However, I can't pretend that I didn't have fun these past 6 weeks.

A

Destiny

Sometimes you would wish that you had known someone at an earlier or a later time, but the truth is, if you had met such person at a time more desirable to you, probably neither of you would have been able to achieve what you have or don't have right at this moment. Probably you wouldn't have wanted to know each other; probably you would have become foes, instead of friends.

It's destiny.

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YOUTH Park

The very first commemorable episode in my life of an exciting event took place in Youth Park on Saturday 30 May 2009.

That event really made my day and, so far, my week.

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The Cows

I miss the tiny yellow fish that nibbled on my feet, the silvergrass that cut open my fingers and arms in the mountains, the seawater hot spring on a raining summer morning before sunrise, the squid that I never caught on a night fishing boat, the beautiful scenery when I was on a propeller plane across a myriad of lakes, the goats on the steep hills by the ocean on the island with a double heart-shaped fishing trap, the waterfall far in the mountain with few people swimming underneath it, the two kids that liked to hold my hands when we walked to a movie theater, the sunburn that I get every year, and definitely the cows that witnessed everything.


A

dimanche

My parents came to Taipei to stay at The Grand Hotel, using their discount coupon. I spent some time with them, looking at houses in Banqiao. Those houses were good, but I didn't really like the location, nor the surrouding environment.

My decision, and also my parents', to buy a place for myself in Taipei, well, is still not fulfilled yet to this day.

I brought my parents to a good restaurant close to Zhongxiao Dunhua area and also took them for a walk in that area. Suddenly I had some sort of resentment towards A/X in Breeze B2 while we were walking inside the mall. Well, I am completely over with that feeling towards this detrimentally pricey brand (I even bought some of the discounted ones last week). I continued on with my plans with my parents.

It all happened after my parants went back to their place. Je me souviens encore que c'était un dimanche. J'ai pleuré le lundi.

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Friendliness

I was sort of paranoid and silly since my freshman year in university regarding the process of friend making. I would stop hanging out with someone if there was one thing I couldn't tolerate about this person. Gradually I had fewer and fewer friends. This situation was worsened after graduation as I had less opportunity to meet new people except for my new colleagues.

There have been some people with whom I might have been friendly but I decided not to due to certain gossips and rumors about these people. Even though those gossips and rumors may be true and may serve as some sort of guidelines in dealing with these people, I shouldn't have reached my conclusion about them without actually knowing these people.

Maybe a person that is not faithful in a relationship can be a friend. Maybe a person that sleeps with different people every day can be a friend. Maybe a person that has a job that I don't like can be a friend. Maybe a person that is too conceited can be a friend. Maybe a person that has a crush on your lover can be a friend. I have been limiting myself as to whom I could be friendly with, and I ended up being on friendly terms with almost nobody.

Friends with different point of views are important and inspiring. They can offer me a different perspective on things and help me see what I don't see. Friends with the same point of views are reassuring and easy to get along. These two types of friends are both necessary, especially the ones with a different point of view.

Although one can be defined by the people he hangs out with, one can also NOT be influenced by the people he hangs out with. Regardless, it is always a merit to spread the good influence, and also learn something positive from friends.

No man is an island. A healthy mentality is established with the help of positive human interactions. I should be more acceptive. I should hold less prejudice against people I don't really know. I should try to be friendly.

You can only conclude if you like a person or not after knowing one or two things about this person, but there's usually something more about a person that you don't know. Maybe the next stranger you come across will have the answers to some of your questions.

A

April Blues

The temperature dropped to as low as 13 degrees Celsius on April first, much colder than February, in which I could even put on my hottest summer shirt on a 30-degree-Celsius day. I thought April is all about life and rebirth and warmth and anything jolly. It was warmer in March, too. Apparently April this year didn't give me a good impression.

Neither did April last year. The devilish April of 2008 shredded my heart into pieces, using one of those shredders you could get from Costco. After shredding my heart, as if that's the main purpose of such machine's existence, it was broken as well. The shredder was thus left against the orange wall, among other objects that nobody wanted to keep, never to be seen again, forgotten.

Has April become a sad month? I surely hope not.

Maybe it gets cold now only because it will make you feel much warmer when the summer comes. And it will surely get warmer in a few days.

A

why do people leave ?

People come into your life for a reason. Do they leave for a reason, too?

I experienced my first episode of someone's departure when I was in kindergarten. I think I was too young to feel anything that I am feeling now.

I always thought people that I know and care about would always stay in my life forever, or maybe until the day I no long live. Some of the aging symptoms have been creeping onto my parents lately. DJ has decided that he wanted to move away from Taiwan next year.

The familiarity that I once had is changing. I am scared. It's not that I am scared of changing. I am perfectly alright now that I moved to my new place in the east district, and I am used to the new daily/weekly routines. It's different from before. But no matter what, all the people I care about are still reachable in a short time.

I just feel sad. Why do people, even the ones that care about you, leave your life?

A

ONE YEAR

I have been working at my current job for one year. I really enjoy working here. I am glad that I made the right decision to change jobs a year ago. The parent company of my previous company has really serious financial problems right now. Even the U.S. government can't just sit and let such gigantic company crash.

Anyway, I get to learn different translation techniques, and knowledge about laws. I also get to know some nice people here. The colleagues here treat each other very nicely and the company treats all the employees equally and generously. I am so happy to be able to work here.

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better in time - Leona Lewis

I really love this song. It chimes with my heart.

The music video is available on YouTube, but not embeddable.
Click here: Better in Time

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
...
...

Seasons of LOVE

I truly hope I can understand more types of love. I just don't know why it seems so difficult for me whereas some people can handle the non-romance type of love so at ease. I don't know why I want the romance-type of love so much as to ignore/abandon other types.

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塞翁失馬．小鹿亂X

今晚真是塞翁失馬，焉知非福，哈，真令人高興。

（首先感謝同事把今天的急件延到明天上午交，讓我能準時下班。）
（再來感謝...嗯...感謝西門加州好了......?）
（最後感謝...厄... :P ）

A

L'amour, comment faire ...

In a surprised and confused glee, I managed to let some words fly out of my mouth.

Rarely have I run into him around this time in the gym. Never has him taken the initiative to talk to me. What I managed to say yesterday evening wasn't the 100% truth, but something that had been toned down and down-to-earth. The truth would probably be too much and halt the conversation, making it even more awkward for ongoing interactions. The truth, however, may also help break the ice. Anyway, I will never know because I've used this one and only opportunity.

You can never prepare yourself for this kind of opportunity, and when an opportunity arises, you either benefit from it, or screw it up. I don't know when next opportunity will show up. Maybe it will be right around the corner when I go out, but the situation will be totally different, totally unexpected.

How to talk to your crush? How to respond to his words? How to pursue love? Comment faire l'amour? I really want to know the answers.

I hope I will do better next time, and I know I will.

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Valentine's Gift / 情人節禮物 ...

下週六就是西洋情人節了，好想送人禮物，不知道可以送誰。
他不需送我任何東西，只是必須告訴我，他知道我非常喜歡他就行了，而且…

有誰可以送呢？

It's Valentine's Day next Saturday. I really feel like giving somebody a gift, but I don't know to whom I can give it to. He doesn't need to give me anything. He only needs to tell me that he knows that I like him a lot, and ...

To whom can I give a gift to?

A

end of holidays

I spent most of my holidays in my parents' place so I ended up doing nothing most of the time. I really feel like going to some isolated beach on an tropical island with someone.

I stayed in Taipei on the first day of this long vacation just so that I could attend the over-crowded Chinese New Year Special Edition of body combat class, where the hot instructor also participated in the instruction. I decided to come back to Taipei one day before the holidays ended so that I could attend the class taught by the hot instructor on Sunday morning, just to make up the two classes taught by the same hot guy during the holidays when I was not in Taipei.

I went to a body combat class in Taichung branch. The instructor in Taichung was good at the combat moves, but I didn't like the music he chose; nor could he compare to the hotness of the über-hot instructor in Taipei. haha

I realized that I just wrote a blog entry without making any constructive points. (oh, well... 又是花癡文一篇)

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重返納尼亞 / Narnia Revisited

浮現在冰牆後的白女巫，依舊冷豔凌人。只要獻上我的血，就能把她釋放出來，她也願意助我一臂之力，實現我的心願，以作為交換的籌碼。但是值得嗎？

衣櫥裡的世界是虛幻的，衣櫥外的世界是真實的，不知白女巫的魔法，到了衣櫥外的世界是否能持續，是否能為我呼風喚雨，讓我左右逢源。我要的不只是土耳其軟糖，我也沒有國家需要收復，我要的是一顆心，一顆樸素但強壯的心，一顆沈默但瀟灑的心，一顆讓我魂牽夢縈的心。

白女巫或許會認為我是傻瓜吧，但是冷若冰霜的她，或許永遠不會懂，或許永遠只能孤獨地在冰封世界裡，獨裁統治她的王國，抑或只能寂寞地存在於某個空間中，等待她的忠實僕人帶來人類之血，予以釋放。

或許我也在等人來釋放我，或許吧。

White Witch, appearing behind the ice wall, still looked stunningly cold and beautiful. With my blood, I could set her free. In exchange, she offered to help me realize my wishes. But is it worthwhile?

It’s a fantasy world inside the wardrobe. Outside it’s reality. I don’t know if White Witch’s magic would remain magical outside of the wardrobe. Would it still be powerful? Would it make everything as I wish it to be? What I want, though, is not simply some Turkish Delights. I don’t have a kingdom to claim back, either. What I want is a heart, simple yet strong, silent yet dashingly gorgeous, a heart that I yearn in every dream and every wish.

Perhaps White Witch would think I am silly, but she, as cold as ice, would probably never understand. She would probably live forever in an ice-capped world all by her lonely self, ruling her kingdom in dictatorship. Or she would probably exist in a certain space all alone, waiting for her loyal servants to set her free with human blood.

Perhaps I am also waiting for someone to set me free. Perhaps.

A

Goodbye to the Year of the RAT

and welcome to the Year of the Ox.

It's the last day of the year of the (stinky and gross) rat.

I hope in the year of the ox, everything will be bullish for me, like everything.

See ya rat, and here comes the MOO ~~

Happy Moo Year to everyone!

A

writers write; dreamers dream ...

I told DJ that I think I write better when I write about sadness, and then he started to laugh and call it nonsense.

**
Standing outside the room, I see you, among the cheering crowds and roaring audience inside the room, perform the usual tricks and do the fascinating moves. As one who does not participate in the scene, and as one who only stands outside, I feel content enough to be able to see you do the things you enjoy and accomplish whatever it is you want to accomplish. I am proud, and I feel moved. Even though you are watching over the crowds, I know that you know I am smiling.

-

The problem is: the person described above is not me. I am, on the contrary, one of the participants, and one of the unnoticeable units that make up the entire building-rocking scene. I do not know how my mood gets worked up by those words encouraging people to perform certain actions. I do not know how I started to enjoy this chaotic yet beautiful sequence of orderly moves. I only know that I love being there, filling my brain with hopeful thoughts that someday I can, in addition to being a part of the cheering crowds, also stand away from the scene, and watch as a happy and supporting lover...

I do feel I write better when I write about sadness.

A

復原

去年結束的感情，我想傷痕已經大致復原了吧，那種「過盡千帆皆不是」的感覺已經逐漸消逝了。

他還一直鼓勵我去認識新朋友，催促我去跟其他人交往，但是我都沒什麼進展，頂多零星認識幾個人，吃過飯或打過招呼後，就沒有下文了。

現在的我除了還是想認識些可以成為好朋友的人以外，突然有種想找對象的渴望，只是......當自己身處感情中時，不管遇到多帥的肌肉帥哥都心如止水，純欣賞就好；但是等到自己變單身時，肌肉帥哥卻……嗯…繼續等待吧，還是說有什麼奇襲之道呢？。

A

2008年超級惡搞電影「Meet the Spartans」片尾大合唱「I will Survive」（連到Youtube的畫面比較大）：



(這部電影惡搞得很好笑，有機會可以去看)
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Nosebleed / 流鼻血 (!)

今天早上起來時，發現自己在流鼻血。

我想大概是因為睡眠不足吧，而不是因為昨夜或睡覺時有什麼令人血脈噴張的刺激，不過昨晚某件事情就足以讓人興奮，心跳加速，汗流不止。

今天早上確實覺得有點累，平常都是從台北車站走到辦公室的我，今天決定從西門走，這樣的距離比較短。

重慶南路上的陽光，讓事務所的空氣熱得像夏天，也讓情緒燥動了起來，鄰近的228公園應該會清涼許多吧。

I woke up this morning with a nosebleed.

I guess it was probably due to my lack of sleep, not any arousing stimulation last night or during sleep, although something last night was enough of an excitement. It raced up my heart beat and made me sweat non-stop.

I did feel a little bit exhausted this morning. Normally I walk from the Main Station to my office, but I decided to walk from Ximen today so that the walk would be shorter.

The sunlight on Chongqing South Road heats up my mood and the air in the firm. It must be cooler to be in the 228 Park just around the corner.

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