Why do people in the chat room despise/sneer at the idea of a gay man building a home with another, and having a stable life for the rest of their life?
Home and stability are important for a person, either man or woman.
I want a place and a man to call my own, and together we lead a stable and steady life. Nobody lives like a movie or fiction character anyway. A life that's worth to be put into a fiction or a movie is usually too miserable, or too good to be true.
It seems easy and difficult at the same time to fulfill this goal. Most of the people dream about the same thing in their personal profile on friend-making websites, but they usually lose interest in the person they are with after a short time. Maybe they are the ones that decided to start a relationship after knowing a person for one day. Even a man like me, however, that started a relationship after knowing a man for almost 6 months ended up being single again after 5 years. I am sure there are couples whose relationship begin with a simple promise to be together on the first day they meet and then continue for decades. As long as they still see love in each other, forever seems too short a time for them. What if one sees love, and the other sees otherwise?
I long for a stable life. I have been trying to regain that bit of stability for months since the breakup. The new stability stored in life for me is probably having a single life, no matter how much I desire for otherwise. I had been single for 21 years before I had the first contact with my ex. It should be alright for me to be single for a few years, even though I truly want my goal to have a home and a stable family life to come true as soon as possible and to last as long as the sun shines.
I am hoping and believing the day will come, and will come fairly soon.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
best friend...
how to treat your best friend? definitely not like an eyesore.
it's a friend with more priorities over others, and a friend that you can confide in, a friend that you feel the most relaxed with, without competition, without grudge. Any fights can always be settled.
it's a friend with more priorities over others, and a friend that you can confide in, a friend that you feel the most relaxed with, without competition, without grudge. Any fights can always be settled.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Story Two
"Where are you from?" one of the two men asked D.
"Canada."
"Me, too. I am from Toronto, and he is from South Africa. He just came to Taipei to meet me today. He lives in Tainan."
"That's nice."
"How long have you been together?" asked the man, still waiting for the red light.
"Uh...we...uh." D stammered, while A just stood there, watching and savoring the moment of happiness.
"It's ok if you are not," the Toronto guy gave a knowing laugh.
"We...uh...just...," said D.
"Oh...it's green light now. Good luck then."
The red light turned green, and these four men crossed the street, going in two different directions towards Shinkong Mitsukoshi.
"Why didn't you answer?" A asked D.
"Well...I was embarrassed by that question."
"well... since forever," A thought about this answer in his head.
Neither of these two men was exhausted after spending a day hiking in the rain. They actually loved that day, and loved the cows that accompanied them throughout the hiking trip. Well, A was a litte terrifed by the cows, to tell you the truth.
"Canada."
"Me, too. I am from Toronto, and he is from South Africa. He just came to Taipei to meet me today. He lives in Tainan."
"That's nice."
"How long have you been together?" asked the man, still waiting for the red light.
"Uh...we...uh." D stammered, while A just stood there, watching and savoring the moment of happiness.
"It's ok if you are not," the Toronto guy gave a knowing laugh.
"We...uh...just...," said D.
"Oh...it's green light now. Good luck then."
The red light turned green, and these four men crossed the street, going in two different directions towards Shinkong Mitsukoshi.
"Why didn't you answer?" A asked D.
"Well...I was embarrassed by that question."
"well... since forever," A thought about this answer in his head.
Neither of these two men was exhausted after spending a day hiking in the rain. They actually loved that day, and loved the cows that accompanied them throughout the hiking trip. Well, A was a litte terrifed by the cows, to tell you the truth.
Ode to the West Wind (IV) - P. B. Shelley
IV
If I were a dead leaf thou mightest bear;
If I were a swift cloud to fly with thee;
A wave to pant beneath thy power, and share
The impulse of thy strength, only less free
Than thou, O uncontrollable! If even
I were as in my boyhood, and could be
The comrade of thy wanderings over Heaven,
As then, when to outstrip thy skiey speed
Scarce seemed a vision; I would ne'er have striven
As thus with thee in prayer in my sore need.
Oh, lift me as a wave, a leaf, a cloud!
I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!
A heavy weight of hours has chained and bowed
One too like thee: tameless, and swift, and proud.
If I were a dead leaf thou mightest bear;
If I were a swift cloud to fly with thee;
A wave to pant beneath thy power, and share
The impulse of thy strength, only less free
Than thou, O uncontrollable! If even
I were as in my boyhood, and could be
The comrade of thy wanderings over Heaven,
As then, when to outstrip thy skiey speed
Scarce seemed a vision; I would ne'er have striven
As thus with thee in prayer in my sore need.
Oh, lift me as a wave, a leaf, a cloud!
I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!
A heavy weight of hours has chained and bowed
One too like thee: tameless, and swift, and proud.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Significance of Insignificance
I used to think that it was important to witness every single moment of your loved one, and that it was significant to go grocery shopping, to see all the movies you want to see, to try new restaurants, to explore new places, and to do lots and lots of things with him, no matter how trivial they are.
Well... I guess it's time for me to change this mentality.
As long as I am there with my loved one during the most significant moments, say when he really really needs me, when we make important decisions, when we go through difficult moments of our lives, and when we say our vows, it doesn't matter whom or whom else I have a meal with, I see a movie with, I have a haircut with, I buy a toothpaste with, or even I take a walk with.
But it's still significant as to whom I sleep with (pun intended) - this won't change.
Well... I guess it's time for me to change this mentality.
As long as I am there with my loved one during the most significant moments, say when he really really needs me, when we make important decisions, when we go through difficult moments of our lives, and when we say our vows, it doesn't matter whom or whom else I have a meal with, I see a movie with, I have a haircut with, I buy a toothpaste with, or even I take a walk with.
But it's still significant as to whom I sleep with (pun intended) - this won't change.
Monday, July 21, 2008
dancing in the rain
I saw a quote on a friend's blog. I think it's well put.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."
but how does one learn to dance in the rain?
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."
but how does one learn to dance in the rain?
Friday, July 18, 2008
Irritation
Is there somebody in your life that sort of irritates you when you see him?
When he is not around, however,
you will miss him, and think of him and his smile when you see his favourite ice cream flavour, his favourite drinks, his favourite newspaper, his favourite color, his favourite weekend pasttime, his favourite books, his favourite restaurants, his favourite bus, and, above all, the lonely man you see in the mirror.
When he is not around, however,
you will miss him, and think of him and his smile when you see his favourite ice cream flavour, his favourite drinks, his favourite newspaper, his favourite color, his favourite weekend pasttime, his favourite books, his favourite restaurants, his favourite bus, and, above all, the lonely man you see in the mirror.
Understanding
Now I understand something.
I am not smart enough, or do not have enough social skills, to take social/interpersonal cues.
I am usually slow, very slow, to realize interpersonal matters.
I should have learnt it in school days, but I failed no matter how high my academic grades were.
I never paid attention to social skills. I always thought, with good personal traits, people would come to you by themselves. I don't need to do anything. I have been wrong.
Now it's my deepest and strongest repentance.
I hope there is still enough time to make amends.
I know I will change and make amends and I believe in it.
I am not smart enough, or do not have enough social skills, to take social/interpersonal cues.
I am usually slow, very slow, to realize interpersonal matters.
I should have learnt it in school days, but I failed no matter how high my academic grades were.
I never paid attention to social skills. I always thought, with good personal traits, people would come to you by themselves. I don't need to do anything. I have been wrong.
Now it's my deepest and strongest repentance.
I hope there is still enough time to make amends.
I know I will change and make amends and I believe in it.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Underwear
I feel that I am becoming an underwear shopping addict. I don't really need so many pairs of underwear, but I just feel like buying them....
Through the process of splurging my money on something that only people in the gym change room and by the swimming pool might see, I found out some good websites for underwear shopping.
It usually takes about 7 to 9 days to receive my order. There is, however, an exception. There is one site from which I received my order within 4 days. Well, their shipping charge is a lot higher than others. I guess that's why.
My favorite brand is Andrew Christian (and Andrew himself is hot too):
But their own online store does not offer shipment to Taiwan... too bad.
Here is a photo of the hot designer:
Through the process of splurging my money on something that only people in the gym change room and by the swimming pool might see, I found out some good websites for underwear shopping.
It usually takes about 7 to 9 days to receive my order. There is, however, an exception. There is one site from which I received my order within 4 days. Well, their shipping charge is a lot higher than others. I guess that's why.
My favorite brand is Andrew Christian (and Andrew himself is hot too):
But their own online store does not offer shipment to Taiwan... too bad.
Here is a photo of the hot designer:
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
WISE
How can I be a wise man like a 80-year-old?
He would just brush off something he couldn't let go when he was 25.
He would laugh at the mistakes that he did when he was 25.
He would find it meaninless to hold on to a belief that would never come true when he was 25.
He would regret that he let go something precious to him when he was 25.
He would regret that he couldn't spend the past 55 years with the person he has been loving the most.
He would regret that he didn't hold on to the belief that might come true in the end.
I, for one, am debating the opportunity costs in my head, and I can't fall asleep...
He would just brush off something he couldn't let go when he was 25.
He would laugh at the mistakes that he did when he was 25.
He would find it meaninless to hold on to a belief that would never come true when he was 25.
He would regret that he let go something precious to him when he was 25.
He would regret that he couldn't spend the past 55 years with the person he has been loving the most.
He would regret that he didn't hold on to the belief that might come true in the end.
I, for one, am debating the opportunity costs in my head, and I can't fall asleep...
伏筆 (foreshadowing)
I suddenly like the term "foreshadowing" a lot, especially the Chinese one.
A writer can foreshadow an event in his/her books.
A man in real life cannot, and, even if being faced with one, cannot see it.
A man in real life can only retrace a current event to its past causes, and then regret them if the current event is not desirable.
A writer can foreshadow an event in his/her books.
A man in real life cannot, and, even if being faced with one, cannot see it.
A man in real life can only retrace a current event to its past causes, and then regret them if the current event is not desirable.
Family
Living and being together for a long time with a person can turn such person into a family member. When such person becomes a family to you, life will not be complete without this man.
This family that you establish will be there for you, to respond to your needs, to give you supports, and to simply stand by your side through ups and downs.
The feeling of a family includes yet surpasses the feeling of a boyfriend. It's an upgraded version of a relationship, and that feeling takes some time to build up in a relationship. It's not easy, but it's precious and invaluable.
This family that you establish will be there for you, to respond to your needs, to give you supports, and to simply stand by your side through ups and downs.
The feeling of a family includes yet surpasses the feeling of a boyfriend. It's an upgraded version of a relationship, and that feeling takes some time to build up in a relationship. It's not easy, but it's precious and invaluable.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Exoticness
Somebody mentioned to me that people who look for a cross-culture relationship are only looking for exotic feelings.
I do not agree, though in the beginning of such relationship there might be some exoticness. After a short time, that kind of exotic feelings would definitely fade, leaving the relationship as what it should be between two ordinary people.
After the exoticness fades, it is love that keeps me going.
But to tell you the truth, I can always find new aspects of exoticness in one person.
I do not agree, though in the beginning of such relationship there might be some exoticness. After a short time, that kind of exotic feelings would definitely fade, leaving the relationship as what it should be between two ordinary people.
After the exoticness fades, it is love that keeps me going.
But to tell you the truth, I can always find new aspects of exoticness in one person.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Banana Cafe
It's not something worth mentioning, but this French National Day sometimes reminds me of something stupid I did when I was in Paris .... It's just plainly stupid and stupid. Well... a lot of people might find it insignificant and trivial though.
I should have reserved the tasting buds for my favorite sirop d'érable, instead of stinky fromage.
I should have reserved the tasting buds for my favorite sirop d'érable, instead of stinky fromage.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Stories with Crayons...
I am not a man with exiciting coloring stories.
I can't tell you that I color with different crayons in the gym shower room.
I can't tell you that I pick up a crayon in a shopping mall and then color with it somewhere in the mall.
I can't tell you that I bring disposable crayons home to color and throw them away afterwards.
I can't because I don't have any to tell.
I only know that if too many colors are used on the same paper, the paper will become black and gross eventually. Nobody would want to keep it.
I can't tell you that I color with different crayons in the gym shower room.
I can't tell you that I pick up a crayon in a shopping mall and then color with it somewhere in the mall.
I can't tell you that I bring disposable crayons home to color and throw them away afterwards.
I can't because I don't have any to tell.
I only know that if too many colors are used on the same paper, the paper will become black and gross eventually. Nobody would want to keep it.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Love is art-making
Thanks for Aris's response to the previous post.
Yeah, love is art-making and the commitment from both parties is important during the process of art-making.
A man can and will influence, or let's say, sculpt and shape, the man he is committed with into something far beyond beauty can describe. And nobody will know how big the influence can be, or how great the sculptor can be. The change is not foreseeable before the relationship, or tangible during the relationship, or even retraceable after, unfortunately, the realtionship ends.
(let's hope every couple can always work out a solution to keep their relationship going.)
It's also like a process of learning. Two people in a relationship should always learn from the other the positive quality that himself does not have, and at the same time help other other achieve something that the other can't do by himself.
There is always something new to learn. It doesn't mean when one thinks he has learnt everything, he should end this relationship. It only means these two persons are getting closer and closer to each other, and more and more compatible for a lifetime companionship.
In my opinion, there is no such thing as "being sick and tired of the other half." There is only something exciting that you miss from the other half.
Who would be sick and tired of his own work of art, anyway?
One can never be proud enough of it.
Yeah, love is art-making and the commitment from both parties is important during the process of art-making.
A man can and will influence, or let's say, sculpt and shape, the man he is committed with into something far beyond beauty can describe. And nobody will know how big the influence can be, or how great the sculptor can be. The change is not foreseeable before the relationship, or tangible during the relationship, or even retraceable after, unfortunately, the realtionship ends.
(let's hope every couple can always work out a solution to keep their relationship going.)
It's also like a process of learning. Two people in a relationship should always learn from the other the positive quality that himself does not have, and at the same time help other other achieve something that the other can't do by himself.
There is always something new to learn. It doesn't mean when one thinks he has learnt everything, he should end this relationship. It only means these two persons are getting closer and closer to each other, and more and more compatible for a lifetime companionship.
In my opinion, there is no such thing as "being sick and tired of the other half." There is only something exciting that you miss from the other half.
Who would be sick and tired of his own work of art, anyway?
One can never be proud enough of it.
Love Oneself
I read something on some stranger's bulletin board few days ago.
One man of a gay couple entered a friend's place on the 10th floor or something, only to find his boyfriend having sex with this friend. Under unbearable pressure and grief, he jumped out of the building. His parents had no idea why their son had committed suicide. His friends didn't know how to tell his parents. His cheating boyfriend...
Somebody commented, "if you can't even love yourself by treasuring your own life, you don't deserve to love another man."
I agree with this. I also think that when you love yourself enough, you will want yourself to deserve the best love from another man, too. You want to love this man and also want this man to devote his love to you. At this point, the love for yourself may decrease a little bit because some of the love is transfered to the other man, but the decreased portion will be offset by the love the other man offers you. The total amount of love between these two men is still the same, or maybe even more than before because they would do things for the other that they wouldn't have done before.
Once the balance of this love equation is compromised, disasters creep it.
Have I found the best for me? or the best has yet to come?
I would rather believe in the former. It's not as hypothetical as the latter.
One man of a gay couple entered a friend's place on the 10th floor or something, only to find his boyfriend having sex with this friend. Under unbearable pressure and grief, he jumped out of the building. His parents had no idea why their son had committed suicide. His friends didn't know how to tell his parents. His cheating boyfriend...
Somebody commented, "if you can't even love yourself by treasuring your own life, you don't deserve to love another man."
I agree with this. I also think that when you love yourself enough, you will want yourself to deserve the best love from another man, too. You want to love this man and also want this man to devote his love to you. At this point, the love for yourself may decrease a little bit because some of the love is transfered to the other man, but the decreased portion will be offset by the love the other man offers you. The total amount of love between these two men is still the same, or maybe even more than before because they would do things for the other that they wouldn't have done before.
Once the balance of this love equation is compromised, disasters creep it.
Have I found the best for me? or the best has yet to come?
I would rather believe in the former. It's not as hypothetical as the latter.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Illegality
Breaking another man's nose is illegal.
Breaking another man's heart should be illegal, too.
Breaking another man's heart should be illegal, too.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Vicious Circle
X: If you had moved on and left me alone without doing all these things, we would've probably been back together again.
Y: If you hadn't broken us up, I would not have acted like this and done all these things, and we would still be together.
X: If we hadn't broken up.....
Y:
Y: If you hadn't broken us up, I would not have acted like this and done all these things, and we would still be together.
X: If we hadn't broken up.....
Y:
Proposal
A has been considering a proposal since the beginning of the year. He has always thought that it will definitely be something good, something that will cheer D up enormously, making him the happiest man in the world.
Now that the plan has been interrupted by some unforeseeable unfortunate event in April, and the date A has in mind is approaching, he really doesn't know what to do. Maybe he should give up the proposal? Maybe he should still try out the plan?
There are, however, things that he doesn't know about, and worries that may make him regret the proposal.
Let's hope that those worries are simply imaginary.
Now that the plan has been interrupted by some unforeseeable unfortunate event in April, and the date A has in mind is approaching, he really doesn't know what to do. Maybe he should give up the proposal? Maybe he should still try out the plan?
There are, however, things that he doesn't know about, and worries that may make him regret the proposal.
Let's hope that those worries are simply imaginary.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Personality
A breakup can change a man's personality and make him do and think in a totally different way from before. These new behaviours are not normal, and do not represent the real personality of the man during his happy times.
During a man's most fragile moments, he would do things to protect himself, to make himself feel cared for and to make himself feel in control. Sometimes these behaviours will backfire, causing so many more problems that he wishes he hasn't done those things.
Constant rejections will aggravate these behaviours. Miserable as he is, he will feel that he is not accepted or welcomed. He will start to think he is the one that's causing the anger and rejection, the instigator of everything.
When his life is back on track and in the way he wants it to be, or when he is happy again, his behaviours will become normal again.
During a man's most fragile moments, he would do things to protect himself, to make himself feel cared for and to make himself feel in control. Sometimes these behaviours will backfire, causing so many more problems that he wishes he hasn't done those things.
Constant rejections will aggravate these behaviours. Miserable as he is, he will feel that he is not accepted or welcomed. He will start to think he is the one that's causing the anger and rejection, the instigator of everything.
When his life is back on track and in the way he wants it to be, or when he is happy again, his behaviours will become normal again.
My Favorite Quote
I've always loved this vow since the first time I heard it on TV/in theater:
"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."
"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."
Empathy
A friend's boyfriend left her and went back to Vancouver for good just few days ago.
Her brief description of her grief churned up my mind that's muddled enough.
Let's hope the world will see no more breakup.
Her brief description of her grief churned up my mind that's muddled enough.
Let's hope the world will see no more breakup.
Monday, July 7, 2008
In NEED
It was my first car accident.
I fell from my scooter as I tried to make a left turn in front of the entrance of Linjiang Street on An-he Road. I just wanted to get to my dorm as early as possible to finish what I had to do there so that I could come back downtown to meet D.
I was lucky. The vehicles behind me all stopped without hitting me. I was alive, only with a bleeding left palm, with the skin close to the the thumb peeled off, revealing some flesh.
I was able to stand up by myself and moved my scooter to the sidewalk in front of the post office there. With a bleeding hand, I thought I'd just better leave my scooter there and come back to get it some other time.
I really had no idea what to do at that moment. I was so shocked and scared. Calmly I
walked to the 7-11 besides the post office and bought a small fisrt-aid pack, which included some cotton sticks, peroxide, medical cotton, etc. Then I walked back home. It was not far, only about 5-min walk.
I sat on the living room floor, then starting to cry, while taking out the medital kits I had just bought and trying to do something on my bleeding palm.
D was tutoring that afternoon. I still phoned him anyway. I couldn't think of anyone else to phone. Finally after D picked up the phone finding out my emergency, he couldn't wait a minute to come home to me.
I was still crying from the scare of the car accident and the relief that no vehicles ran into me. D thought my injury was notthing big deal and started to blame me for not going to the hospital or any medical institution for care instead of sitting home crying.
He was right, but my brain went blank after that shocking moment. Al I wanted to do was to go home and wait for D to come home. I felt safe at home. No scooters, no cars, no buses waiting in line behind me.
D rushed me out to take a taxi to the hospital. The doctor there scrubed my flesh-revealing wound really hard to clean it out. It hurt like hell, but I felt safer and my tears had stopped as D was there.
I fell from my scooter as I tried to make a left turn in front of the entrance of Linjiang Street on An-he Road. I just wanted to get to my dorm as early as possible to finish what I had to do there so that I could come back downtown to meet D.
I was lucky. The vehicles behind me all stopped without hitting me. I was alive, only with a bleeding left palm, with the skin close to the the thumb peeled off, revealing some flesh.
I was able to stand up by myself and moved my scooter to the sidewalk in front of the post office there. With a bleeding hand, I thought I'd just better leave my scooter there and come back to get it some other time.
I really had no idea what to do at that moment. I was so shocked and scared. Calmly I
walked to the 7-11 besides the post office and bought a small fisrt-aid pack, which included some cotton sticks, peroxide, medical cotton, etc. Then I walked back home. It was not far, only about 5-min walk.
I sat on the living room floor, then starting to cry, while taking out the medital kits I had just bought and trying to do something on my bleeding palm.
D was tutoring that afternoon. I still phoned him anyway. I couldn't think of anyone else to phone. Finally after D picked up the phone finding out my emergency, he couldn't wait a minute to come home to me.
I was still crying from the scare of the car accident and the relief that no vehicles ran into me. D thought my injury was notthing big deal and started to blame me for not going to the hospital or any medical institution for care instead of sitting home crying.
He was right, but my brain went blank after that shocking moment. Al I wanted to do was to go home and wait for D to come home. I felt safe at home. No scooters, no cars, no buses waiting in line behind me.
D rushed me out to take a taxi to the hospital. The doctor there scrubed my flesh-revealing wound really hard to clean it out. It hurt like hell, but I felt safer and my tears had stopped as D was there.
Fallacy
To love is to let go.
Does "letting go of a person" mean "not caring for a person?"
I hope not because to love is also to care, but to care usually is the opposite of to let go. When you care about a person, you start thinking about this person, and when you think, you cannot let go of this person.
This is not a perfect equation. One has to balance it by adding to it some pretension and ridding it of the heart.
To love (with the brain) = to let go = (to pretend not) to care.
But without the heart, love isn't love.
Does "letting go of a person" mean "not caring for a person?"
I hope not because to love is also to care, but to care usually is the opposite of to let go. When you care about a person, you start thinking about this person, and when you think, you cannot let go of this person.
This is not a perfect equation. One has to balance it by adding to it some pretension and ridding it of the heart.
To love (with the brain) = to let go = (to pretend not) to care.
But without the heart, love isn't love.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Monogamy
The American Heritage Dictionary defines monogamy as : 1. The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time. 2a. The practice or condition of being married to only one person at a time. b. The practice of marrying only once in a lifetime. 3. Zoology The condition of having only one mate during a breeding season or during the breeding life of a pair.
This definition is barely satisfactory. "a period of time?" how long is a period of time? one day? one week? one month? or one year?
To me, monogamy should mean the practice of having s single sexual partner and marriage during a lifetime... Am I too extreme?
If a person has a single sexual partner for one week, but a different one every week, does he qualify as a monogamy practitioner in any given week? If the period of time is extended to one to several months, I am sure almost everybody will agree that this person is monogamous. So a polygamous person can easily disguise himself as a monogamy practitioner by ending a "sexual relationship" at any interval as he pleases. What a good way to be monogamous without losing the excitement of being polygamous!
This definition is barely satisfactory. "a period of time?" how long is a period of time? one day? one week? one month? or one year?
To me, monogamy should mean the practice of having s single sexual partner and marriage during a lifetime... Am I too extreme?
If a person has a single sexual partner for one week, but a different one every week, does he qualify as a monogamy practitioner in any given week? If the period of time is extended to one to several months, I am sure almost everybody will agree that this person is monogamous. So a polygamous person can easily disguise himself as a monogamy practitioner by ending a "sexual relationship" at any interval as he pleases. What a good way to be monogamous without losing the excitement of being polygamous!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Yongning - Kunyang
Whenever I walk down the stairs, at Taipei Main Station, to the platform of the MRT blue line, linking Yongling and Kunyang, I will unconsciously look at the direction for Kunyang, trying to see if the train heading for Kunyang is arriving soon. As soon as I stand at the side of the platform heading for Kunyang, I realize that it is the wrong direction. I don't live in that direction any more. I don't need to get off at Sun Yat-san Memorial Hall Station any more. I don't need to walk past three blocks and a small alley to get home any more. I don't need to climb 5 floors to go home any more. I don't have a place that I feel home any more.
Then I will walk to the other side of the platform, checking out when the next train to Yongning will arrive. I will need to get off the train and then walk through the indifferent crowds. I will need to take an elevator to go to my floor. I will need to return to that place, where no one will wait for me to go back or want me to wait for him to go back. That place is just a temporary shelter, without any emotion, without any love.
Then I will walk to the other side of the platform, checking out when the next train to Yongning will arrive. I will need to get off the train and then walk through the indifferent crowds. I will need to take an elevator to go to my floor. I will need to return to that place, where no one will wait for me to go back or want me to wait for him to go back. That place is just a temporary shelter, without any emotion, without any love.
The Pretty Face of Romance
C reminded me that a person in love and being loved, besides looking happy, would also be hotter and prettier than when he/she is not in love and being loved.
I guess that's true.
Since the beginnin of April, or much earlier in February, bad acnes have been crawling on my face and taking their territory on my back too. Maybe it's my time not to look pretty with nice skin any more. Maybe it's just that LOVE has abandoned me, leaving me with ugly memories on my face, taking away with him the joy of bringing down yet another innocent man once full of spirits and hopes. I feel unpretty, and discouraged.
D still looks gorgeous and probably hotter than before. I know he is still loved, but I don't know if he is in love. Now that I am shunned out from his life, I really don't know what's happening to the man I care for the most.
Well, I feel excluded and redundant.
I guess that's true.
Since the beginnin of April, or much earlier in February, bad acnes have been crawling on my face and taking their territory on my back too. Maybe it's my time not to look pretty with nice skin any more. Maybe it's just that LOVE has abandoned me, leaving me with ugly memories on my face, taking away with him the joy of bringing down yet another innocent man once full of spirits and hopes. I feel unpretty, and discouraged.
D still looks gorgeous and probably hotter than before. I know he is still loved, but I don't know if he is in love. Now that I am shunned out from his life, I really don't know what's happening to the man I care for the most.
Well, I feel excluded and redundant.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
everyone is having sex...
... with his loved one.
It all started with a white man crossing an intersection in Ximen, with one hand holding tightly an Asian man's hand, and the policeman standing at the center of the intersection looked so shocked but did not have enough time to blow his whistle at them before they disappeared into the passing crowds, where hidden many other men that were afraid of holding their hands.
A man lying down on a bench in the gym, trying to lift up a barbell to work out his chest; another man straddling over him, almost like sitting on the lying man's pelvis, spotted the lying man's every motion in case he hurt himself.
Sitting in a small Taiwanese dessert shop, a man scooped up some Douhua (Tofu pudding), making sure the soup wasn't overflowing the spoon, and then slowly and swiftly moved the spoon into the mouth of the man sitting besides him, who was just as ready as ever to take his turn to feed the man that had just fed him.
Two men were lying on their separate towels by the swimming pool, trying to get some suntan on this hot summer day. They sometimes had their faces towards each other, and sometimes against each other. They were not worried about the sun being too strong because they had helped each other put some suntain lotion all over their bodies. Even though there were actualy several other couples lying around the pool at the same time, to them it felt like there were the only ones there, in their own world, enjoying the moment as if the moment had been frozen for them.
Finally, even the maintenance guy coming to fix my washing machine told me he had got married last month because his girlfriend was pregnant.
It all started with a white man crossing an intersection in Ximen, with one hand holding tightly an Asian man's hand, and the policeman standing at the center of the intersection looked so shocked but did not have enough time to blow his whistle at them before they disappeared into the passing crowds, where hidden many other men that were afraid of holding their hands.
A man lying down on a bench in the gym, trying to lift up a barbell to work out his chest; another man straddling over him, almost like sitting on the lying man's pelvis, spotted the lying man's every motion in case he hurt himself.
Sitting in a small Taiwanese dessert shop, a man scooped up some Douhua (Tofu pudding), making sure the soup wasn't overflowing the spoon, and then slowly and swiftly moved the spoon into the mouth of the man sitting besides him, who was just as ready as ever to take his turn to feed the man that had just fed him.
Two men were lying on their separate towels by the swimming pool, trying to get some suntan on this hot summer day. They sometimes had their faces towards each other, and sometimes against each other. They were not worried about the sun being too strong because they had helped each other put some suntain lotion all over their bodies. Even though there were actualy several other couples lying around the pool at the same time, to them it felt like there were the only ones there, in their own world, enjoying the moment as if the moment had been frozen for them.
Finally, even the maintenance guy coming to fix my washing machine told me he had got married last month because his girlfriend was pregnant.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
stories
I want to write new stories, but I am trapped in old ones.
I want my new stories to surpass the old ones, but I am afraid they won't.
I haven't written any yet, as a result.
Old stories are wonderful, I know.
You want me to write new stories, but you still dwell in my old ones.
You want new stories to fill up your life because you are afraid of the old.
You are writing your new stories, as a result.
New stories are exciting, you know.
Stories are irreplaceable, we both know.
If the old stories had been bad, they would not have lasted over 2,000 days and nights ...
With the last page showing no clear, satisfying conclusion, Volume II awaits ...
I want my new stories to surpass the old ones, but I am afraid they won't.
I haven't written any yet, as a result.
Old stories are wonderful, I know.
You want me to write new stories, but you still dwell in my old ones.
You want new stories to fill up your life because you are afraid of the old.
You are writing your new stories, as a result.
New stories are exciting, you know.
Stories are irreplaceable, we both know.
If the old stories had been bad, they would not have lasted over 2,000 days and nights ...
With the last page showing no clear, satisfying conclusion, Volume II awaits ...
Showing OFF
"This is his picture," A took out a picture out of his wallet, showing it to a friend.
"He is very handsome," the friend said, undoubtedly raising the corner of A's lips up a few inches.
"Sure he is, and he is very nice too," A said, eyes glinting with pride and happiness.
"How long have you been together?"
"Almost 5 years," said A, sipping a glass of cocktail with this old friend back from school days on a cold February day.
Spring was coming soon, yet winter would never leave.
"He is very handsome," the friend said, undoubtedly raising the corner of A's lips up a few inches.
"Sure he is, and he is very nice too," A said, eyes glinting with pride and happiness.
"How long have you been together?"
"Almost 5 years," said A, sipping a glass of cocktail with this old friend back from school days on a cold February day.
Spring was coming soon, yet winter would never leave.
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